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Looking for a very kinky curvy woman. sluts in Drewsville New Hampshire ga Beautiful women seeking real sex Oneonta Eating Disorder Support Binging/Anorexia w4w I'm 20 years old and am currently battling self destructive binging habits after 5 or 6 years of restriction, excessive exercise and being underweight. If you were to look at me you probably couldn't guess how bad it is, as I am of a slim/average weight. I binge everyday (no purging) and it's gotten worse since I've had my incredibly loving, wonderful boyfriend, I think because I am trying to sabotage myself and my happiness. I really, really am getting sick of feeling awful about myself and perpetuating it through my eating habits. I have the mind of an anorexic, but the willpower has faded and I've found a more effective way of hurting myself: by not listening to myself. I am way too critical of myself that it feels kind of crippling at times and makes me not want to go out or see myself.
I'm simultaneously very accepting of my body at times and worship it, I just want to find a way to make this last all the time and to avoid the intense literal pangs of disgust I get frequently. I want to be more fully optimistic and positive. I'm athletic and love using my body and want to get to a place where I can fully enjoy it without the urgent worry of losing weight subconsciously behind it. I want to be able to soothe the anxiety that fuels my binges and to be able to listen to my body and its needs more effectively. I want to be proud of my body and to feel that I reflect how I feel about myself. Despite hating my body intensely at times, I'm pro-body, I love my body and am so thankful that I -can- be athletic and use it, so I want to stop hurting it. Binging is oddly like I chore, where I won't want to be doing it, but I, for some reason do. I black out mentally to it. I have a deep-rooted unhealthy approach to food that results in much of the anxiety that surrounds food for me. I only truly feel ok about eating fruits and vegetables, I feel guilty always in some way deep down for eating things with flavor and that aren't natural, particularly things that are salty and/or greasy.

I want to be rock solid and healthy and not have this secret world. I want to not be anxious to leave a friend that I'm enjoying hanging out with so I can go cocoon and binge on things. I don't want to have to secretly eat my roommate's food or eat an entire box/package of something in one sitting or day. I want to enjoy self control by having a stocked fridge and not feeling compelled to eat it all within a few days, but rather let it sit there and last. I want to forget about some of the food I have sitting in my fridge, rather than knowing it's contents like the back of my hand. I don't want food to be my first thought when I wake up or when I'm bored or when I'm tired. I want to allow myself full range of emotions and find resources and tools to help me through unstable moments where I feel compelled to binge. I want to use art to fall back on, not food. I want to create, not destroy.

I want to know my boyfriend means it when he says I'm beautiful, because until then they are just empty compliments that I just brush of as him being nice and trying to build me up, but not genuine.

If there is anyone else is in similar shoes and in Seattle, particularly Capitol Hill or U-District area, please feel free to contact me. I really want to get serious about having a healthy approach to food and my body. I love to exercise, so I'd love to find an exercise buddy or someone to get together and have tea with and talk. But, I know that is ambitious thinking, so even just connecting with someone through here where we can exchange emails would be great.
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